1+ week, 1+ day ago   (156+ words) A recent poll found that Americans who are concerned about artificial intelligence outnumber those who are excited about it by a margin of three to one. The Onion examines the common myths and facts surrounding AI. MYTH: AI can never…...

1+ week, 3+ day ago   (302+ words) BERKELEY, CA—Raising the alarm about an issue that could have long-term consequences for American youth, researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, published a study Wednesday that found the majority of Generation Z telepaths lacked the attention span to…...

1+ week, 4+ day ago   (99+ words) The post Last-Ever Global Warming Report Released For Posterity appeared first on The Onion. Jerk Already Knew That Disgusting New McDonald’s Sandwich Not Bad Fuck, Intruder Also Has Nunchucks Name Of Friend’s Second Child Never Learned QR Code Invites You…...

1+ week, 4+ day ago   (211+ words) SPOKANE VALLEY, WA—Experiencing a range of emotions from excitement to joy to nostalgia, 49-year-old geologist Alan Hargroder was reportedly reunited Tuesday with a beloved rock that he had studied over 20 years earlier. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it…...

2+ week, 1+ day ago   (136+ words) Tech giant Meta continues to push its AI smart glasses, including with a new ad campaign featuring Kylie Jenner. Here are all the features of the wearable device: 70+ styles to suit everyone from laid-back perverts to active predators Auto-Stare mode…...

2+ week, 2+ day ago   (238+ words) PASADENA, CA—In an unsettling discovery that scientists described as a “potential cause for alarm,” NASA officials confirmed Monday that they had found a concerning lump on Mars. “It’s a large, unmovable mass on Mars that appears firm to the…...

2+ week, 3+ day ago   (76+ words) University of Minnesota scientists have created the first-ever synthetic cell, called SpudCell, which is able to feed, grow, and replicate as if it were naturally occurring. What do you think? “Nothing beats the cells mom used to make.” “Is this…...

3+ week, 2+ day ago   (306+ words) WASHINGTON—Displaying an uncanny comprehension of humanity’s power structures as they emerged from their interstellar spacecraft, a delegation of surprisingly politically informed aliens issued demands Tuesday to be taken to Earth’s biggest pedophile. “People of Earth, you will bring us…...

1+ mon, 15+ hour ago   (77+ words) France recorded the hottest day ever in its history, with temperatures reaching a high of 44.3 degrees Celsius (or 111.7 degrees Fahrenheit) as a brutal heat wave continues to engulf Western Europe. What do you think? “Heat stroke has never sounded so…...

1+ mon, 3+ day ago   (323+ words) CHAMPAIGN, IL—Shedding new light on the concept of voluntary behavior, researchers at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign contend in a study published this week that the existence of free will can be disproven by the fact that people repeatedly…...